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Legion. An amalgamated journal.

The future of publishing

Remember GetIntoHarvard.net? That harbinger of all good that is to come from the brave world of online publishing? Now, copying GetIntoHarvard’s page template and changing around some of the words but none of the hilarity comes Take The Action!: Find Out Why Masturbation Is Destroying Your Life And What You Can Do To Stop It.

Like a fresh breath of hope in the onanistic nightmare of college life, this paean to self-help pushes all the right buttons. Not those buttons. These buttons:

Do I need special equipment?

Yep. Luckily the cost isn’t too prohibitive: $99 for CBelt3000, and $4.95 for Tom Tierney’s Queen Elizabeth Paper Dolls book.

Learn how masturbation takes your unique valuable time which is irreversible

But, if you find some way to wormhole-warp and go back in time, in which case you can over-write your time spent masturbating with time spent writing e-books, then by all means wank on.

Find out what ancient rational wisdom says about masturbation

“I do not, therefore, need any penetrating acuteness to see what I have to do in order that my volition be morally good.” —Kant, Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals

The Role of Food

Foods that are squishy, warm, or have conspicuous holes in them: NOT ALLOWED.

Garrett Dash Nelson

April 24th, 2008 at 11:11 pm