The ever-clever Guardian strikes it rich by using unpaid child labor for interviews. Why the newspaper industry didn’t reach this conclusion earlier is shocking; it seems so obvious in retrospect. Print media: the textile mills of the twenty-first century.

Katie Which animal has the stinkiest poo?

[David Attenborough Golly. Well, that’s a very good question. Quite a lot of animals make a stinky poo, because they want to show other animals that that’s where they’ve been and that’s where they live. And so they have stinky poo that says, “Poo: get out of here!” It says, “If you don’t like this, you go away.” And, er, let me see. Lions have a stinky poo.

Katie Eugh!

DA Yes. Badgers have stinky poo.

Katie Course they do!

DA Can you tell me something that doesn’t?

Katie Well, I don’t know.

DA Oh, well, I’ll tell you. Elephants don’t have a stinky poo. Elephants’ poo actually smells quite nice.

Katie That’s yuck!

DA What?

Katie Every poo is yuck. Yucky.