Mt
Lg
Ex
Tl
Tr
Legion. An amalgamated journal.

Rue Morgue Avenue

108

Today is 17 April 2008, the 108th day of a befuddled year. Yale undergraduate Aliza Shvarts unveiled an art installation in which she deliberately miscarried several babies and used the blood from the miscarriages as paint. Art critic ‘bearsplace’ noted of the incident: “all sorts of metrosexual college guys will go and sip thier herbal tea and go OOhhhh anAAAhhhh and say oh isn’t she so brave…sorry, fuckin’ loosers.” In other reproductive news, Jeremy Eaton recalled how the Hulk almost got him laid. A mother in Maryland gave birth to quadruplets in which three out of four were identical. Meanwhile, one in five soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan were found to have mental issues from their service. A crowd of young Southern tourists on Memorial Hall steps exploded into peals of excitement upon learning that Gavin DeGraw would be standing there tomorrow. The unpopular nĂ¼-hippie band Dispatch was referred to by the Harvard Concert Commission as a “popular Rock/Indie band.” Barney Frank attempted to help Dispatch listeners around the world retain the rights to their weed. David Hasselhoff retained the rights to the phrases “Hoff” and “Don’t Hassle the Hoff.” Drugs that keep you from pooping everywhere were found to make you forget the fact that you are newly continent. The Internet finally fulfilled the last ten things that people may need help with.

Garrett Dash Nelson

April 17th, 2008 at 10:10 pm