Turns out that Clarence Thomas hasn’t asked a question during oral arguments in two years.

Most amusing possible explanation: Clarence Thomas is actually dead, and the other justices are playing a wacky Weekend at Bernie’s style escapade because they don’t want Chief Justice Roberts finding out about the crazy rager at Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s pad where Clarence choked on his own vomit.

Least amusing possible explanation: Clarence Thomas is actually a robot programmed entirely from Federalist Society whitepapers and frilly-heart framed photographs of Thomas Sowell; his court decisions are radioed in from the Hoover Institution, obviating the need for questions.