Scene: Medium-hot fake blonde is crying on the shuttle while being consoled by medium-fashionable female final club-member (brunette) friends…

Blonde: But I really care about Jake and he really cares about me! He told me that to my face!

Brunette 1: Aw, sweetie, sometimes guys just don’t know how to show it.

Blonde: But he hooked up with another girl RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE.

Brunette 1 rubs Blonde’s knee and coos sympathetically. Shuttle stops, final club-member guy boards.

Brunettes 1 and 2: Hi, Brad.

Brunette 1: Maybe if Jake’s treating you this way, he’s just not the guy for you.

Blonde: But you know I’m sooo not the girlfriend. At all. I am so not this girl. I don’t even like relationships. I don’t even want one. But, like, that was hurtful.

Brunette 2: Brad, I better always get into The Fly from now on. Do you know what happened tonight? It was so ridiculous. I had to list like 17 members of The Isis at the door just to get in.

Brad is clearly horrified at this, also clearly hammered.

Blonde: And I’m not even a natural blonde! Dissolves into sobs.

Brunette 2: Oh, that’s not why he did it! No one’s a natural blonde!

Gorgeous natural blonde on shuttle chortles, tosses hair, exchanges glances with friend.

Brunette 2: To Brad I mean, do you know any natural blondes?

Brad: Nah. No way.

Blonde: Oh, whatEVER just don’t even worry about it. I’m fine.

She sobs until shuttle arrives in Quad.